Where Are We?

"Peace in the middle of east!" ~ M

I Didn't Even Know

"Did you know if you break your arm and talk on the phone... it raises your blood pressure?" ~ M

Tackling Brothers

"Sometimes love is harsh." ~ J

Some People Call Them Gennies

"Yep. Purple as a nurple." ~ M

Unauthorized Online Shopping

"It's so fun to click add to cart." ~ J

Fried Dough

"I bet every single person in every place on the whole world wants donuts. Expect Kenya." ~ M

'Cause I Poked Him In The Rib

"Just. Like. Jesus." ~ J

Do Not Touch

"I love my ridiculous, long hair." ~ J

Child Labor Laws

"I think it's time for a raise." ~ J

A Function Fixation

"This too shall pass... Gas." ~ B

Her Majesty

Major Honesty

"Mom, when is your stomach going to go back down?" ~ M

"Good question." ~ Me

Where The Watermelons Grow

~ M

My Ninja

"I might like to join a MMA group, but I'd call it MMP ... Mixed Martial Pushing." ~ B

Too Soon For This

J: "I think I need to start taking showers in the morning instead of before bed."

Me: "Okay, that's fine. Why?"

J: "Well... My hair would be softer, and I'd smell all fresh for the ladies."

Very Mrs Piggle Wiggle

Mouth full of cereal and milk:

"Murrffkk awker gums kaffle." ~ J
[M's soccer game is cancelled.]

"A cocker spaniel has cancer!?" ~ Me

Giant eye role:

"Yep." ~ J

This Is What We're Dealing With

Someone Farted

"That is pungent with a capital PUNGE!" ~ B

With No Umbrella

Leaving the grocery store: all three kids in tow - clear skies when we went in - raining cats and dogs as we exit - pausing under the covered porch - getting baby all covered - fishing for keys - okay set to make a run for it.

"Don't worry, baby. It's only a technical difficulty." ~ J to R

The Jewels

"Uh... Dude? Go get dressed please. I don't need to see your privateness." ~ M

Simple Math

"I don't really feel like I have three kids. It feels more like I have two... and one."

Celeb Chef

"Y'all know what tartar sauce is."

Headless Horseman

"Well that wasn't necessary." ~ M having trouble getting his head to fit thru the neck hole of his shirt.

A Prayer

"Uh... well, Dear Lord, delete that." ~ M

Kolaches

"Speak now or forever hold your feces." ~ B

Over Email

"I farted at shcool." ~ J

Paparazzi

"Aaaaaaaaaaand... I love your face." *click* of an "air camera" ~ J

Pink Swirls

"It's like a high-five... from the Lord."

So Gross

"I just ate a booger. Believe it." ~ J

I See London I See France

"Dude! Mom! Pull up your pants. Your bottom is hanging out! It's like half. And half." ~ J

Between The Parents

Me:
"My gosh, I took my vitamin on an empty stomach without thinking and thought I'd throw up all over the baby if I didn't put her down in a hurry to run to the"

Brent:
"Pottawatomie County?"

Me:
"Yes."

At Bath Time

"Dude! Bro! It's against the law to show a girl your nuts!!" ~ M

How Could I Forget!?

"It's still in the box, yo. It's still in the box." ~ J

About Donuts

"You're not a cow, Mom. You're just a big big big big big big chick."
~ M

Up Until Now

"What if someone grew their hair all the way around the world and back to the mall? That’d be long." ~ J


"A1 Steak sauce! This is the fun bus!" ~ J


With huge stuffed animal slung over himself piggy-back-style, running back and forth thru the kitchen yelling:
“No man left behind! No man left behind!" ~ M


After having used a whole can of hairspray on his hair:
“I’m the manager of the Jazz Lab!” ~ J


“Next time I see Taylor I’m gonna say, ‘Welcome to Thailand! Seatbelts aren’t included.’” ~ J


“I bet that truck right there has fish and salad in it.” ~ M


J to M:
"We should call and see if we can spend the night with Mimi tonight."
M:
"But she's probably going to a dance later."


"If you be bad to Jesus, then you get dead." ~ M


"I'm pretending to be a wrestler so that everyone can see my armpits." ~ M


Drinking a Starbuck's chocolate milk:
"Mom, is this a TALL or a GRANDY?" ~ J


On our way to the hospital (me) in labor with painful contractions:
M: "Well, Mom, it looks like you're having an attack."
Me: "Yep! An ATTACK OF THE VAGINA!"
M: "Actually? ... of the tiger."


With long, skinny Tootsie Roll in the corner of his mouth like a cigar:
"I'm the great bambino!" ~ J


After caking Brent's deodorant on themselves:
Me: "Holy Moly, you smell so much... older!"
J: "That's alright. I'm a miniature man."


While I was feeding the baby:
"Uh, mom? Do you know your boob is totally hanging out? That's sooooo inappropriate." ~ M