Saturday, August 7, 2010

I've MOVED verbatim.

click the link or har 'yar

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Bottomly Plan

If I were a chair, I would not let anyone sit their nasty bottom on me. I'd scoot away and they'd fall and just have to live with it. ~ M

Monday, July 19, 2010

It Must Be a Sin

M: You know what's a bad thing to do?
Me: What's that?
M: Fart at people.
Me: Yeah?
M: Yeah. God doesn't like it.

Friday, July 9, 2010

A Normal Discussion

Stage set: Target aisle around about the soy sauce.

Enter stage-left: J and M running up and down the aisle. Mom takes J by the shoulder in a quick, harsh Kung Fu move.

Mom: [very pointedly] "Would you two stop this already!!? How many times am I going to have to repeat myself today?"

J: "Okay okay okay... Jeeez."

Mom turns back toward the shopping cart, looks into her infant-seat and baby-talks the baby. From behind Mom, the discussion continues:

J to M: [under his breath] "Dude, she just totally got all up in my grill."

... and scene.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Black Cats & Smoke Bombs

"Most people who are born hear fireworks." ~ M

Mario Won't Stop Dying

"Crap on a stick!" [a frustrated statement, not an instruction]

"Okay, I'll head to the store."

"The crap-stick store?"

"No, Spices of India. They had these urine balls. Covered in walnuts. I promise."

Monday, June 28, 2010


J: Can I have one of these?

Me: Sure. I might have put too many bananas in them. They're pretty soft.

M: You might have put two million dollars in them?

J: That's what she said.

* completely out of context for joking, but still great we're using "that's what she said" regularly.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010


"Can you get me two vitamins? Those rubber ones?" ~ M

Friday, May 21, 2010

Where Are We?

"Peace in the middle of east!" ~ M

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Didn't Even Know

"Did you know if you break your arm and talk on the phone... it raises your blood pressure?" ~ M

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Tackling Brothers

"Sometimes love is harsh." ~ J

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Some People Call Them Gennies

"Yep. Purple as a nurple." ~ M

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Unauthorized Online Shopping

"It's so fun to click add to cart." ~ J

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Fried Dough

"I bet every single person in every place on the whole world wants donuts. Expect Kenya." ~ M

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Monday, April 19, 2010

Do Not Touch

"I love my ridiculous, long hair." ~ J

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Child Labor Laws

"I think it's time for a raise." ~ J

A Function Fixation

"This too shall pass... Gas." ~ B

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

Major Honesty

"Mom, when is your stomach going to go back down?" ~ M

"Good question." ~ Me

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Monday, April 5, 2010

My Ninja

"I might like to join a MMA group, but I'd call it MMP ... Mixed Martial Pushing." ~ B

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Too Soon For This

J: "I think I need to start taking showers in the morning instead of before bed."

Me: "Okay, that's fine. Why?"

J: "Well... My hair would be softer, and I'd smell all fresh for the ladies."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Very Mrs Piggle Wiggle

Mouth full of cereal and milk:

"Murrffkk awker gums kaffle." ~ J
[M's soccer game is cancelled.]

"A cocker spaniel has cancer!?" ~ Me

Giant eye role:

"Yep." ~ J

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Someone Farted

"That is pungent with a capital PUNGE!" ~ B

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

With No Umbrella

Leaving the grocery store: all three kids in tow - clear skies when we went in - raining cats and dogs as we exit - pausing under the covered porch - getting baby all covered - fishing for keys - okay set to make a run for it.

"Don't worry, baby. It's only a technical difficulty." ~ J to R

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The Jewels

"Uh... Dude? Go get dressed please. I don't need to see your privateness." ~ M

Friday, March 5, 2010

Simple Math

"I don't really feel like I have three kids. It feels more like I have two... and one."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Celeb Chef

"Y'all know what tartar sauce is."

Monday, March 1, 2010

Headless Horseman

"Well that wasn't necessary." ~ M having trouble getting his head to fit thru the neck hole of his shirt.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

A Prayer

"Uh... well, Dear Lord, delete that." ~ M


"Speak now or forever hold your feces." ~ B

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Over Email

"I farted at shcool." ~ J

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


"Aaaaaaaaaaand... I love your face." *click* of an "air camera" ~ J

Pink Swirls

"It's like a high-five... from the Lord."

Sunday, February 14, 2010

So Gross

"I just ate a booger. Believe it." ~ J

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I See London I See France

"Dude! Mom! Pull up your pants. Your bottom is hanging out! It's like half. And half." ~ J

Between The Parents

"My gosh, I took my vitamin on an empty stomach without thinking and thought I'd throw up all over the baby if I didn't put her down in a hurry to run to the"

"Pottawatomie County?"


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

At Bath Time

"Dude! Bro! It's against the law to show a girl your nuts!!" ~ M

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How Could I Forget!?

"It's still in the box, yo. It's still in the box." ~ J

Sunday, January 24, 2010

About Donuts

"You're not a cow, Mom. You're just a big big big big big big chick."
~ M

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Up Until Now

"What if someone grew their hair all the way around the world and back to the mall? That’d be long." ~ J

"A1 Steak sauce! This is the fun bus!" ~ J

With huge stuffed animal slung over himself piggy-back-style, running back and forth thru the kitchen yelling:
“No man left behind! No man left behind!" ~ M

After having used a whole can of hairspray on his hair:
“I’m the manager of the Jazz Lab!” ~ J

“Next time I see Taylor I’m gonna say, ‘Welcome to Thailand! Seatbelts aren’t included.’” ~ J

“I bet that truck right there has fish and salad in it.” ~ M

J to M:
"We should call and see if we can spend the night with Mimi tonight."
"But she's probably going to a dance later."

"If you be bad to Jesus, then you get dead." ~ M

"I'm pretending to be a wrestler so that everyone can see my armpits." ~ M

Drinking a Starbuck's chocolate milk:
"Mom, is this a TALL or a GRANDY?" ~ J

On our way to the hospital (me) in labor with painful contractions:
M: "Well, Mom, it looks like you're having an attack."
M: "Actually? ... of the tiger."

With long, skinny Tootsie Roll in the corner of his mouth like a cigar:
"I'm the great bambino!" ~ J

After caking Brent's deodorant on themselves:
Me: "Holy Moly, you smell so much... older!"
J: "That's alright. I'm a miniature man."

While I was feeding the baby:
"Uh, mom? Do you know your boob is totally hanging out? That's sooooo inappropriate." ~ M